Please See Me with God's Eyes

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Please See Me with God’s Eyes

He walked into my office and slumped down into the waiting chair next to my desk. His face wore his habitual frown. His bald head, slender six foot frame, tattoos on both forearms, three dots on his hand, and clothes several sizes too big shouted that he was a ‘vato loco’.

“Hi”, I said, “I’m glad to see you. I’ve been thinking about something you said.”

Suddenly, he looked up and leaned toward me, his eyes intense and dark.

“First off, I wanna say I like it that you thought about me.”

Surprised by this vulnerability, I laughed and said,”I think about you often. I sometimes lose sleep over you.”

He smiled then, lighting up his face like sunshine, and leaned back into the chair.

“Okay, what’d you think about?”

“Well, you asked me if I thought you’d make it out, remember? My answer is, ‘you will if you cry out to God for help.’ ”

With this said, his face was cloudy again, and obviously angry. With contempt and doubt on his face he replied, “You and my gramma. I don’t wanna hear about that.”

“I know, but you’re deep, Chiquito, and there’s no way out unless you go to God with all of it and ask for help.”

“God’s not gonna help me. I’ve tried and I’m still in it.”

“I know, Honey, but you’re young yet. And some of getting out is about choices. You have such a sweet heart, one that worries about your gramma and grampa and wants to make them proud. You care for other people, and you have a conscience.”

“I know right from wrong”, he corrected me.

Everything in me wanted to reach out to this 14 year old boy and protect him, wrap my arms around him and make him safe, and save the world from his moody, disappointed rage. The one thing I couldn’t do. The one thing he had to choose for himself first, and then call on God to help.

“You think you know me” he continued, “but you don’t.”

“No, maybe not, but I know enough to know that there is a lot about you that is fine and sensitive. I’ve told you before that I think you might even make a good therapist. You’re very bright. You know what other’s feel and you have real insight. I’ve watched you reach out to other kids in group who look up to you, and say kind things that showed real understanding.”

He sucked in a small breath.

“Ms. Steph, that makes me want to cry.”