Grace Greater....

He was in tears, angry and hurt over the comments of another boy he looked up to, admired. "I really respected him, but he shouldn't be a leader and act like that! I said, 'Hey, Dog, don't trip!' but he still went off on me."

"I know, Hon, he's angry too. Just like you. And hurt just like you. You showed a lot of courage today to talk about your family and to tell me about what happened, the things your dad said. I'm sorry he didn't understand, and doesn't know how you respect him. He's a good leader, but he sometimes doesn't lead in the right direction."

"It felt good to talk about my Dad. I never told that to anyone before."

The 15 year old left my office, reporting that he felt much lighter and relieved. What to do about the other boy, the born leader, who from the time he could walk and talk had been encouraged to think like a gangster, to envision what gang he'd join, to wear "the uniform" of tattoos, bald heads, baggy shorts, sharp creases, big clean, crisp t-shirts, and socks pulled to the knees, to learn to take punches and kicks and not flinch? This one had come a long way, had worked to change his vocabulary, stopped calling people "dog" or "fool" (well, mostly) and tried to lead by example. He had the true respect of others for the unselfconscious way he could direct a group, command obedience without anger, and the strong example he showed of never complaining, never acting entitled to more, (except more attention occasionally).

I went to him and said, "Paco, I want to talk to you about something, because I want you to hear if from me before you hear from anyone else. I'm not sure I want to recommend you for the leadership award you are in line for. I learned from another boy that you have been treating him disrespectfully."

Instant anger. "What!? F... that! I know who it is! It's that whiner! He whines all the time! No! You want me to talk to that M...F..., don't you?! No way!"

I expected this outburst, because, while he is a good leader, he hates criticism.
"Hey, Boy, I want you to 'come up', to be more. I wouldn't bring this to you if I thought you weren't better than this. I've seen you be very kind, with other boys who might be called 'whiners'. If you knew what he's been through, you'd understand. I'm asking this of you because I believe you are more, better than what he told me. He looks up to you, Hon, and respects you. I trust you to think it over, to do what you think is best. But I wanted you to know what I expect."

I squeezed his shoulder briefly as I left. I heard him say, "F... that!" again as I walked away.

The next day, he was one of a group of boys who came to my office. He looked calm, not angry as I expected. I had prayed for him overnight, and knew that if he didn't agree to my appeal to rise above his anger, then I had to let him make that choice. I knew that God led me here, assigned this boy to me for a reason. So as he walked in the room, I smiled and asked him to help me with handing out some snacks to the boys.

"Mam, I need to wash my hands first, okay?"

"Sure", I said, and we went out of the room together to the water faucet. Out of earshot of the other boys, he smiled, and said "I did it. I apologized, like you said." (I hadn't actually asked him to go that far, since he's so good at holding grudges, so I was pretty surprised.) "That makes me really happy. I knew you would think over what I said. I didn't expect you to apologize, and I feel proud of you. You really did 'come up' farther than I thought. No wonder he looks up to you."

"Mam, he was really happy, like I matter a lot. That's weird, don't you think?" I laughed. "Boy, you don't see yourself. You are a pretty great person. You matter a lot to me too!"

Smiling, he said, "I guess I know that." And he returned to the room, replaced his smile with his 'thug mug', and passed out pizza.

And they pay me for this!